Just because you understand something, doesn’t mean you have to agree with it.
Understanding someone doesn’t mean you have to endure them especially if their presence, attitude, or behavior is harmful to your peace.
We’re pushed to understand the awful behavior of others sometimes to the detriment of our well-being. This starts often with our families.
We devote more time to understanding WHY someone behaves badly than we do on HOW that behavior is affecting us.
There can be understanding and there can be grace held for people and there can be tons of internal work done on our part to have empathy as well … but there needs to be BALANCE in this regard.
You must have understanding, grace, and empathy for YOURSELF as well.
You. Come. First.
And maybe that is a difficult concept for many to subscribe to. Maybe it sounds too selfish or too egocentric.
It’s neither.
It’s selfNESS.
Selfness is something you do in service to those around you.
𝘚𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘌𝘟𝘗𝘌𝘕𝘚𝘌 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦. 𝘚𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘕𝘌𝘚𝘚 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘍𝘖𝘙 𝘖𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙𝘚. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘯𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧. – Elaine Barlow (“On Boundaries“)
Having boundaries, protecting your peace, limiting who has access to your mental, physical, and spiritual space, it’s all about selfNESS.
You don’t have to ENDURE that which diminishes you.
This starts, for many, with our own families.
You learn to endure terrible treatment, bad attitudes, or what is basically indentured servitude by making excuses for, and trying to understand why, people behave in negative ways towards you.
This TYPE of understanding is a coping mechanism. It’s a way of avoiding dealing with difficult truths, unchangeable circumstances, and avoiding confrontation.
It’s where all the responsibility is on you to ACCEPT them, but not on them TO CHANGE.
If you were practicing #stoicism, I’d say this is a great foundation to attaining ascension. But that Stoic #apatheia comes with a mind free of passions (uncontrolled emotions like anger) and most people don’t endure and “understand” bad people with a stoic level of mental peace.
They “understand” such people to try and disguise how they truly feel about how that person treats them or others. They bury their feelings instead of addressing or acting upon them.
They internalize the negativity.
Internalizing other people’s negativity in this kind of “understanding” is not empathy or sympathy – its avoidance. It’s avoiding confrontation, pushback, and uncomfortableness. It’s even avoiding recognizing your own worth.
You don’t have to endure bad people. You don’t have to endure unhealthy people who take your life energy from you and keep you from being your best self for those who matter most.
You can understand WHY people do, but you don’t have to submit yourself to WHAT they do.
𝘛𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘮𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘱𝘦. – Dr Raquel Martin, PhD
And it doesn’t take much to traumatize the mind, body, and spirit.
The more you endure and internalize negativity, the more you accept other people’s terrible and unhealthy treatment of you and others … the more scars you’re willingly accepting that don’t even BELONG to you … and the more you are INVITING trauma into your body and mental space.
Why would you choose that for yourself?
Value yourself more.
Reference URL: https://counter.social/@thewebrecluse/110910531269168216