You Are In Control

One of my favorite lines from the 1999 remake of the 1963 classic The Haunting with Lili Taylor was when Lili’s character Nell says that she can be a victim or volunteer of the frightening and supernatural things occurring to and around her and that she chooses to be a volunteer.

She decides not to be controlled by fear like everyone else is but instead decides to embrace what is happening and deal with it on her own terms.

This is a prime example of 2 Stoic concepts: prohairesis and amor fati

Prohairesis is one of the foundations of Epictetus’s philosophy in stoicism. Prohairesis is essentially your character; will, choice, and intention … but more importantly it is 𝙫𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣.

Modern psychology, which grew from stoicism, considers prohairesis now as simply volition which is 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.

Who you are (character and will) determines the decisions you make and the actions you take thereafter.

In the example of Nell in The Haunting … she decides to stop being afraid of what is happening and to seeks to understand it as not only real, but also as meaningful.

In stoicism, this concept that Nell experiences is “amor fati” (love of fate). Amor Fati is recognizing that while we can’t control external events, we can control our response to them, finding peace and resilience in embracing whatever life throws our way.

Nell is a beautiful and well written stoic in this film.

Prohairesis comes into play when you’re looking at how people choose to go through life and how that indicates their character.

This is especially relevant to people on social media.

Consider how social media has manipulated many into believing there is value in likes and “followers” and “friends” and how it has resulted in people giving up their power and giving strangers control over their lives, their sense of value, their creativity, and more. In this way, people have given up their prohairesis, their volition – how they post, what they post, why they post etc – i.e. the cognitive process by which a person decides on and commits to a particular course of action.

Epictetus emphasized the importance prohairesis saying that it was our moral purpose to align our choices with our values and principles. He also stressed the importance of fulfilling our roles in life, whether as a family member, citizen, or member of the human community. When people demonstrate their volition by engaging in actions that harm, disturb, devalue, control, manipulate, oppress, or enslave others – if that is how they choose to fulfill their role in people’s lives – you can safely assume that their choices align with their lack of values and principles. Such people are morally bankrupt.

Some people exist to cause trouble for others, to make life harder, to spread negativity, to feed off of other people, to manipulate other people, to cause harm … Their volition – 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 – shows you exactly who they are.

Now, while you cannot control external events (contributing factors), you can control your response to them (determining factors). So, like Nell, you can choose how you wish to deal with negative influencers in your life with your own prohairesis; the faculty of choice that we use to judge our impressions (phantasiai)

The founder of Stoicism, Zeno of Citium, suggested that the soul is imprinted by the senses much in the same way as a signet ring imprints its shape in soft wax; all psychological states and activities, such as mental assent, cognition, impulse, and knowledge are all either extensions or responses to phantasiai.

Where most people fail and stay trapped is in believing contributing factors directly tie to determining factors. They don’t.

YOU are the determining factor in all situations.

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘢𝘥, 𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘴.

𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘮, 𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘫𝘶𝘥𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 (𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘮 𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘦) 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘶𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴.

Epictetus, who was a slave, considered prohairesis to be of the highest value and the closest a person could come to being in accordance with nature. It was, he believed, a faculty impossible to be enslaved … only given up freely by someone who has abandoned virtue and lost their sense of humanity.

You have power of choice, NOT power of options.

You have the ability to determine your own character and guide your own volition; your prohairesis.

According to stoics, the cultivation and refinement of virtue (a trait of excellence, including traits that may be moral, social, or intellectual) is held to be the “good of humanity” and thus is valued as an end purpose of life or a foundational principle of being.

The four cardinal virtues are wisdom, justice, courage, and moderation (temperance).

You are the 𝙙𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙤𝙧 in what happens in your life. You have decisive control and influence over who and what you allow to affect your life and how.

𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙗𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙨 – the things that bring about specific events, problems, or situations – are OUTSIDE of your control and the only control you have is over how YOU choose to respond to them.

You are in control of YOURSELF, not other people. How you choose to deal with them – or don’t – is your choice.

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