Trash Day Comes Quick

Harvard professor Sunn m’Cheaux is someone I follow on multiple platforms and whom I have shared here before. His brand of commentary makes sensitive, dysregulated, dishonest, and delusional people angry.

He tends to break through people’s flimsy walls often, allowing the truth of who they are to come spilling out. It’s never surprising when people reveal who they truly are, it’s inevitable because walking around with a mask on 24/7/365 like many do is exhausting.

He likes to point out the loud trash that takes itself out with the “I’m unfollowing you” statements and it’s usually the same kind of statement every time. It’s someone who says … “I used to like your content but that last video ….” kind of stuff. I have heard versions of this same thing since I was in middle school. The “I used to like you until you said/did/made me feel that one thing …” People only “like” you temporarily. They like you when it’s convenient and gives them something.

Social media makes it easy to spot people who are “fair weather followers” and I can usually tell those people who follow me after one post that riles them up in a positive way or makes them think I’m “interesting” but they haven’t really done their research and they unfollow me a day or two later.

I think people choose the people in their lives similarly … without as much research and thought and understanding as they probably should. They base things on momentary feelings only …

I think if you like someone up until a moment that they surprise you with some kind of unexpected behavior … then you didn’t know them well enough to say you like them.

I think “like” is something that people give away like skittles to anyone who makes them feel something that benefits them … but it’s not a real, solid, or truly honest emotion that is based on who that person is … only how that person makes YOU feel.

It’s more selfish and therefore very temporary.

Can people change? Sure. But it doesn’t happen overnight unless they had a TBI (which I have seen happen and it’s scary AF). There is no “all of the sudden” when it comes to people’s behavior.

There is only the stuff you chose not to see or decided to overlook because it was better for you at the moment because you didn’t want to give that person up because you were lonely or bored or feeling fickle or because you just want to increase the random info on your feed.

It’s rarely “real”.

People get tired of me and I’ve had people in my life tell me “I’m tired of how you talk, I’m tired of how you make me feel” but when I’ve asked what exactly they are tired of or why it took them so long to figure that out they never have an answer they are willing to give that is honest.

To “get tired” of someone means you have resented them for a long time. It means you never truly knew them or liked them and you just were putting up with them until it exhausted you.

Why are you waiting?

If I meet someone, online or off, and they exhaust me in some way I stop right there. I trust that feeling that I experience. That feeling of energy drain is very telling.

It’s usually not me, it’s them and that tells me there is a lot going on with them that they don’t have control over or aren’t aware of.

I can spot a dysregulated person from miles away and such people are dangerous to themselves and others.

Misery loves company but I don’t love Misery back. Misery can fuck right off.

I have been told that I make quick judgements and I do. For MYSELF.

I think if more people thought about what they were inviting into their lives with more honesty, they wouldn’t make half as many mistakes or get hurt as much.

People have off days. I do but you’ll most likely never know because I don’t take my off days out on others. That’s not what people are for. They aren’t there to be punching bags or to be receptacles for your negative runoff.

That’s not what friends are for either.

There are VERY few people I genuinely like and even less that I truly love but the people that I have in my life, that I do love and do like have been there for 30+ years and we are family. I don’t care about quantity, I care about quality.

Likes and follows have devalued the idea of really understanding who people are and “knowing” them before you “like” them. It’s replaced needing to assess and understand the energy you invite into your life and made people into items on a fast food menu.

People are more than just the content they post, but what they choose to share, repeat, and put into the world is a very good indication of their character.

If you don’t like most of their content, you probably won’t like who they are outside of that. If you are eye rolling or muting or blocking or finding their content and voice exhausting then you probably don’t “like” them as a person. Even their choice of avatar is probably enough to put you off.

Why wait to become “tired” of them?

I think it comes down to people using other people for amusement or to determine something about themselves, like how long they can put up with something or if they are a good person or not because they follow x number of brown people or x number of 2SLGBTQ+ people.

I really do think that people are curating their feeds almost like some kind of garden of varieties so they can appear a certain way to themselves and others. That’s the social in social media to a tee; all about appearances.

People are who they are and you either accept them as who they are OR you don’t and try to change them to suit you or secretly wish they’d change until you get tired of waiting.

There really aren’t many other scenarios except just deciding you don’t want that person in your life right off the bat because you trust whatever your gut says about them and how they make you feel.

Usually that instinct is correct and you should pay attention to it.

Remember: triggers are GOOD things.

The loud unfollowers of Sunn m’Cheaux and even people here on CoSo who have unfollowed me for similar reasons are trusting their gut and responding to and respecting their triggers.

They know that there is something that they are reading and experiencing that makes them feel bad, that makes them feel uncomfortable, that, in most cases, makes them very angry.

Those are important emotions to pay attention to but I think asking yourself why is far more interesting and informative self analysis.