I come across a lot of emotional dysregulated people online and while the most common emotion I see out of control is anger … I notice that jealousy is also high on that list.
The key to understanding any emotion is understanding how it correlates to others. Many people, for example, have no idea that anger IS NOT prime emotion … it is an derivative of fear. So is jealousy.
Jealousy, guilt, shame, anxiety, anger, and depression are ALL derivatives of FEAR.
My friend, Dr Song, sent me some reels on Insta from gamers or families of gamers for example and the comment sections were all filled with angry people talking about how gaming is a waste of time and why would you game as a family instead of spending quality time together (I LOLed at that one), or comments about how people should do more “adult” things. One comment that struck me was from someone who said they used to be a gamer but “matured” and realized family was more important …
I’m not going to spend time going over the BENEFITS of gaming or the benefits of gaming as a family … there is plenty of documentation about this topic and if you don’t know it then you can easily look it up. The positive health benefits of gaming as well as the community, discussions, and conversations that happen during gaming especially for families that game together is also a longer essay.
If you think gaming isn’t productive you’re simply ignorant … or … just jealous.
The guy who said he doesn’t game because he “matured” basically means that he grew out of having the ABILITY to make TIME for his hobby or for something he once enjoyed. That is usually something that comes with the capitalist, patriarchal, slave wage empire many of us live in. The point of maturity in this reality we reside in is to take all joy, all sense of self, and all value AWAY from the individual so that you focus only on what the capitalist system says is important.
People who game … especially adults who game … are looked down upon … and I don’t mean people who have a gaming addiction (an offshoot of depression) and who are desperately looking for connection or meaning. I mean adults who work and MAKE TIME for things they enjoy doing. Whether it is gaming or knitting or playing golf with friends or volunteering … it seems that anytime an adult does something OTHER than “adulting” there is anger from people who judge them for having free time.
Having balance or making a life for yourself that INCLUDES having free time isn’t something BAD. It is actually ensuring that you are focusing on selfNESS which is about making sure you are as healthy as you can be mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually so that you can be your best self for others. Having free time is the most “adult” thing that anyone could be doing because you NEED free time, you need LEISURE to think, to de-stress, to find personal joy and balance.
Most people are angry at others who have free time simply because they are jealous … they are angry that they had to give up something … or give up everything to conform to a system that doesn’t give a shit about them or they are angry that they were brainwashed into believing some nonsense about how they should live or what kinds of things they should think are more important. When they see people gaming or enjoying leisure time they only feel anger and jealousy which are, as I said before, offshoots of fear.
If anger and jealousy are offshoots of fear … what are these people afraid of? What about how other people living a life that has moments of stress free existence, fun, leisure, happiness … would make someone afraid?
I’m glad you asked …
Fear and shame are emotions directly tied to TRAUMA response.
Remember that shame is what happens when we try to cover a vulnerability to hide it from others. Shame comes from feelings of humiliation and guilt. The fear is usually regarding past or future events.
So put all of that together and think about why all of these “mature adults” get angry and judgemental when they see other adults gaming or doing leisure things or finding a way to have emotional and mental balance in their lives.
MIND
YOUR
BUSINESS.
HEAL
YOURSELF
FIRST.
“Your whole family has their own PCs to game on? Must be nice. I have to share one with everyone and never get a chance to game.”
“Those setups are expensive. That’s what you spend your money on?”
“Go out and touch grass with your children instead of gaming with them. What kind of parent are you.”
“Don’t you have some laundry to wash?”
“Bad parenting here. Kids already have too much screen time.”
“I bet they have VR headsets too. This is why kids are so unhealthy.”
“Get a real job.”
Giving up your dreams.
Giving up your hobbies.
Never having leisure time.
Never having free time.
Being a slave to a system that doesn’t care about your physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual needs … all of that is absolutely TRAUMATIC.
Being a slave with no freedom is TRAUMATIC.
Being brainwashed is TRAUMATIC.
Being groomed on lies and false hope is TRAUMATIC.
All of those comments are TRAUMA responses.
Make time for yourself. Make time for leisure. Your brain and body and spirit need it.
Whatever is leisure for you …
MAKE.THE.TIME.
It’s not just about work/life balance. It’s about your WHOLE SELF balance.
Your whole self needs proper nutrition, proper sleep, proper exercise, and proper maintenance.
Maintenance is LEISURE time.
Maintenance is FREE TIME.
Maintenance is SELF CARE.
If you choose to disregard your needs, don’t hate on those that don’t disregard theirs.
It seems sad to have to say this and I don’t know who needs to hear this but:
𝙎𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙫𝙚𝙨.
People who are confident. People who are happy. People who have free time. People who CHOOSE TO LIVE DIFFERENTLY so they have more freedom. People who put their needs first so they can be HEALTHY for those they love. People who aren’t you.
Your reality is not everyone’s reality. Your choices are not everyone’s choices.
Lie in your own bed and leave others alone.